Well alright, it's a new year, and in case you haven't noticed yet, I've decided to give my blog an exciting new look. Like it? Well I've got a lot to write about so I guess I better get started.
Yeah, I know I didn't come and post a new entry right at the start of the new year >:P I was awake, and I didn't forget about it, I was just busy watching the celebration in New York. I would like to say a few words about the previous year and the year to come, however. I realize now that last year, for me, was about experiencing and learning. And believe me I learned a lot. I learned that I shouldn't let people walk all over me, and that if I really don't want something, I should say no. I realized that you should never think "That sort of thing will never happen to me." because it did happen, and it ruined me. I wasted a year and lost someone I still love today. This year for me, will be about taking the things I learned from my experiences last year, and using them to better myself. This year is about me, a child, stepping up and becoming more mature. Doing the things I don't want to do, and taking responsibility for myself, fearless of the outcome. I realize that I'm really quite immature in some little ways (which end up effecting me in BIG ways). I am lazy. I am short tempered. I am overly-concerned. This year, I hope to change that. I already see the changes in myself, too. I am slowly -but surely- becoming less lazy, and more likely to jump up and do things as soon as I know they need to be done. I'm learning to, when I spot a problem, settle down and remind myself that things will fix themselves in time, and that attempting to fix them myself will only cause more harm rather than fixing the problem. This is a year of self realization for me, and I've been gifted with a new fire, a new passion for life within itself that has begun to motivate me daily to venture forth and do things I'd normally be too hesitant, or otherwise horrified to do before. I look forward to every experience and challenge 2013 has for me, and I will face it head-on, or embrace it with open arms. For me, now, I will leave no stone un-turned, no question un-answered, and no thought unspoken. This is the year I teach myself how to become an adult. This is the year I do what I want (Thor! >:l [lol ruined the moment]), and become who I want, regardless the challenge. And I feel fearless now. I know that at times things will be difficult, maybe I might even think it's unbearable, but I realize now that taking on these challenges, and doing these things, are a part of growing up, and will mold me into the kind of adult I want to be.
Setting aside my sappy New Year's speech (I think I deserve an award. Or a sticker at least >:<), some neat things happened today. I went shopping with my mom and then went to Barnes & Noble. It was hard for me because, as much as I hate talking about it, people make me nervous. Being in public makes me nervous. And one of the phsychoblehblehbleh I seen told me that I need to start addressing this problem now, and force myself to go out, because if I don't I could develop an intense fear of leaving my house. I already felt that fear setting in, so I think it really woke me up to hear someone else -especially a certified doctor- tell me I needed to do something. I was there completely alone. Usually I go places with friends or family, and things are a bit easier, but when I'm alone around a lot of people I get nervous at first. Then shaky. Then dizzy. Then I just feel like I'm going to faint or get sick. Luckily for me it only got to the dizzy part before my mom showed up to take me home. While I was there I also feel as though I handled some situations a lot better than I would normally. First, some creeper (probably drunk or on some type of drug) approached me while I was looking at some art books. Normally, in this situation, I'd get all sweaty and nervous as soon as I noticed the person approaching me, but not this time. He asked me if I'd "seen any chicken books", and I calmly and politely, without looking at him, said that I hadn't and then he left. While to anyone else I'm sure avoiding a creep in a book store the way I had would be a no-brainer, but to me this was a great achievement. In this situation before now I would have gotten nervous, scoffed at him nervously, and probably said something that would have queued an attempt at conversation on his part, which I would have been too afraid of to attempt avoiding. I'm glad I've grown in this way. Then, later on I brought a book up to the check-out counter that I didn't have enough money for, however, I didn't realize this until the cashier had already scanned the bar code on the book and the gift card I was using @.@ so she had to call over her manager to undo the transaction and then go and put the book back. I wanted to offer taking the book back to the shelf myself since I knew where it went but, I thought at the time that might seem weird on my part. Normally I would have gotten so nervous and embarrassed in this situation that I would have came close to tears. But this time, while I did feel rather stupid and slightly embarrassed, I didn't get so nervous I could have puked. I feel triumphant. I also got a job application while I was there. Woop! I'm so happy Barnes & Noble still carries paper copies! Now-a-days most businesses ask you to fill out an application online or print one up and bring it in instead. We don't have a printer, which makes finding a job that much harder on me since I'm too nervous to go to the library and ask about using the computer and printing and all that. I hope to fill in most of it tonight, have my mother help fill in the rest tomorrow, and then maybe turn it in on Saturday. I really hope I'll get to work there soon, even though I don't think they're really looking for new employees right now. It would be a lot easier for me to handle with my people phobia than a typical fast food job would. Plus, I think I'd feel more comfortable working around all the books and bookworms. Whenever I go there I'm re-alphabetizing the shelves anyways. It really bothers me when people put back a book in the wrong place. I mean, how is someone else supposed to find it if they're looking for it and it's in the wrong place!
Anyways, a lot of good is going on right now, and while things can always get worse, I'm sure things will only get better. Here's to a great new year. Goodnight and I wish you well ^-^
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