31/12/12

For the past few days I've either been at my cousin's house or I was staying with my cousin. She's just been bored I guess, but I feel like I wasted so much time those three days I was with her :s we did absolutely nothing all day. I hate that feeling. But enough of that.

I'm not going to list everything I got for Christmas but I got some pretty awesome stuff. Though... The iTunes card that I was really looking forward to this year wasn't activated at the register :'< so I can't use it. $25 down the drain. That's $25 worth of music I could have bought! I checked online and the only way I can activate the card is by emailing a picture of the front, back, and receipt of purchase for the card to someone at the iTunes dept. I don't have the receipt, and if the family member who got it for me does still somehow have it, they live two hours away from me :< I'm so disappointed. I was going to spend New Years Eve buying some new music for my phone and daydreaming about 2013 *sigh* oh well I guess. I'll try to get my parents to help me set something up. 

So anyways, I'd like to make note of my New Year's resolutions. I honestly don't usually do this, but I think this year, they're realistic, and a good idea. This year I only have two resolutions. Get a job, and renew my passion for drawing. I'm already on my way to the second resolution, but I know the first one will be more difficult. I'm searching outside of Riverbank, thank goodness my parents are kind enough to be willing to drive me to work until I can either start paying them for gas or get my license. I don't act like it, or voice it often, but I'm really lucky to have the parents I have. They do so much for me, that most parents wouldn't consider. 

I'm going to stay up until 12 AM January 1st 2013 like I do every year, but I plan on putting up an extra blog as soon as the time changes. I'm looking forward to welcoming in the new year online tonight ^.^

22/12/12 - Pokémon!

Welly well well :D hey there! So much neat stuff has happened to me since the last post. Not anything too exciting, but things that make me really happy.

So a couple days back I lost my glasses for about a day and a half. It was just awful. I couldn't see anything. I felt like a hopeless, blind mouse. I felt like I couldn't do anything. I had a constant headache for that day and a half due to eye strain. Can you imagine? It was awful. I actually took a NAP it hurt so bad. I HATE naps. But then I found them so all was well in the kingdom~

 Then my friend helped me get back into FB roleplaying by making some OC art for me to use and rping with me until 1 AM that night. It felt really good. We also played some Draw My Thing before that which was hella fun too. I love playing that game with friends X3

 Today I did a couple neat things. First though, when Michael came over to visit the other day, we played Pokemon Black & White together. He gave me a tepig that I badly wanted *.* thank you Michael! So this morning I got around to trying to level it and something really neat happened. I was just about to enter the tall grass to start training my level 1 tepig (I ran back to Pinwheel Forest from Nimbasa City, thank goodness for bicycles) when a plot of grass started shaking. I, as I'm sure many others do, thanked Game Freak and ran into it. The results were far more than pleasing. The battle began and after about 5 tackles from my tepig, audino took it out with doubleslap in two hits. I threw out my snivy next and instead of attacking it simply used leech seed on the audino, used a revive on my tepig, and brought the tiny pokemon back into battle. The effects of leech seed did most of the work for my tepig, and when I finally defeated it, the results were far greater than what I had expected. Pling, pling, pling, pling, pling! Over and over! The joyous sound repeated until my tepig had reached level 14! In ONE BATTLE I was able to save myself a good twenty/thirty minutes of training! This, to my surprise, was not only because audinos are worth more exp. when you defeat them, but also because apparently, traded pokemon get exp. boosts! This pleased me endlessly and I was happy for most of the morning. I also experienced a great first for me in Pokemon today as well. You see, I love minccinos. I don't know why. I just really love minccinos. So I caught two. I knew I'd never have the time (or patience for that matter) to level up both pokemon, so I stuck them in the daycare instead. This was some time before my trade with Michael. So, after the shock of leveling my tepig so greatly I realized that the daycare was near by and I should probably check on my pokemon. So I went, and when I  approached the counter to talk to the old lady that runs the daycare, it surprised me that when I tried to get my pokemon back all she'd say is "Ah, there you are! My husband has been looking for you!" I, confused, wondered outside to find the daycare lady's husband, whom I was completely unaware of or the fact that it was the old man standing right outside. When I spoke to him he also said that he had been looking for me and then informed me that they had found my pokemon carrying eggs. I knew you could get a pokemon egg in the games, but I had no clue how. Then when he asked me if I wanted them, I almost started crying in joy. Then, (bonus!!) when I decided to talk to him again to see if he'd say something different, or something regarding how to hatch the egg, he repeated the previous dialogue from the first time I received an egg and proceeded to give me another! I was left with two eggs! I retrieved my minccinos that I had came there for in the first place, and moved on to level my tepig up to my current team's level. Long story short, by the end of the day I hatched both of the eggs simply by walking around training my tepig, and now I have two more minccinos that I have no idea what to do with @.@ I have now decided that I am the minccino breeder, and have put it on my trainer card. (haha!).
 Today, I also went to a bbq at my aunt's house. I'm not very social... I pretty much spent the whole time there sitting on the floor in a corner with my headphones on listening to Lindsey Sterling and playing Pokemon. But it was SO ADORABLE. When my youngest cousin, Jacob, realized I was playing a video game he curled up right next to me and watched me play, letting me teaching him the glory of pokemon the entire time ^w^ and near the end, the older cousin (who is still only 9, but the smartest 9-year-old you will EVER meet) realized I was playing pokemon as well, and also curled up next to me. But to my surprise the kid knew more about pokemon than I did! He'd already caught both the Black and White legendaries on the online version, and had already finished the DS version! I actually carried on a very otaku and smart conversation with a 9 year old boy! It was the cutest thing ever, I was so happy. There is still hope for the pokemon generations TTwTT

That's about it for today. Woah. I wrote a lot more than I planned to X3 ah well, there's nothing wrong with it. Maybe some day a magazine company will find my writing and hire me as a journalist XD lol. I also realize that in the last post for some reason the bottom paragraph is highlighted. Yeah. I have no idea why that's like that, but I really don't care to fix it XD Goodnight~

19/12/12

Today went from okay and unsure to nice and simple. I thought I was just going to sit around today making one of my friend's Christmas presents and playing Sim Social, do the dishes, and practice Romeo and Cinderella. But instead I ended up going to my aunt's house. Nothing really interesting happened there. Sat on the love seat and played some Pokemon Black, then played Dragon Ball Z on the PS2 with my two little cousins (they're so smart!) and went home. My aunt was also getting rid of her desk so she gave it to me! YAY! I have a new desk. I don't usually change the way my room looks so I get really excited when I get something that will greatly change the appearance of my room.
 After we left my aunt's place we were all really hungry so we got food from Golden Chopsticks. Normally, I hate Chinese food, but I'd never been there before so I had no idea that they had such a delicious-looking menu! I ordered the chicken tariyaki bowl (which I'm still attempting to finish) and it's really good! ✫✫✫✫✫ on this bowl, best I've had so far. Plus there was a young Asian girl taking my order, probably the daughter of the shop owner. She was so cute! Poised, calm, and had the cutest voice I've ever heard!

I have a friend coming over tomorrow that I haven't seen in a really long time. I'm excited. I don't know if I'll post tomorrow, but I might have a lot to talk about so, you never know~

Currently eating: Chicken Teriyaki rice bowl
Excited for: Finishing a dance, seeing an old friend, finding a new romance

18/12/12

Christmas is coming up. Why did I say that? Because I'm busting my ass making presents for my friends D: I've never hand-made presents for all of my friends. And I'll be honest, I feel kinda bad because I suck at hand-made stuff but... I'm poor. And it's the thought that counts, right? I love my friends and I don't care if they never wear what I'm making for them, I just want to give them something that I made specifically for them. That's whats' important to me this year.
 I'm also trying to work really hard to get them done before X-mas but I fear that even if I get them all completed, my mom is going to be too lazy to take me to friends' houses to drop them off (haha!).
 On a different note, my father (not my step dad, who is just my "dad") bought me an HD flatscreen tv for Christmas. This was a shock to me because he's never really been apart of my life, and then for him -someone who is almost a complete stranger to me- to buy me something as nice as a flatscreen tv... I'm just shocked. And I feel bad, really. I don't like it when people who aren't close to me (my mother pretty much : P) spend money on me, or spend time on making me something. It makes me sad. I also get nervous when receiving gifts for some reason. I feel awkward getting things from people. I guess I'm always worried I'll seem ungrateful...

I love breaks off from school, they give me time to focus on me, and being me, and building who I am as a person. It sounds weird, maybe even a little self-centered, but I tend to completely lose who I am when I'm in school, and I kind of revert back into this state of acting like a 12-year-old whenever I have school. Weekends and breaks however, I feel as though I can really figure out who I am, because I don't have to focus on school or anything else. I can just relax and be myself :3

Anyways... I find myself in an awkward internal situation o.o basically, I've been in a relationship with someone for the past two years. Now I'm single again and it just feels weird. I've been single for just a couple months and sometimes... I feel like I'm just going to die with this need to let out affection. It's weird, mostly because I've never viewed myself as an affectionate person. I don't really know if I want a relationship right now, since my last one was a total disaster and I don't want to chance discovering any scars. But yet... I find myself feeling little sparks of /something/ towards people I would normally not consider at all. I'm not worried about it, though. The events of these past few months have made me grow in personal strength and confidence more than I could possibly explain. I guess it's true, what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger (ugh, I hate that song). Though there is one I find myself specifically attracted to, I'm not going to go for it just yet. Not only are there some things that just seem wrong about it, but I also know that it could just be some devious part of my brain trying to do something stupid. I do, however, feel as though I might tell him just to get it off my chest. Sometimes, if I just tell a person how I feel, and see them react in a not-so-positive way, I don't feel that way for them anymore.

That's it for now~ heihei

9/12/12 - Dayum :D

Wow! Heeeeey! It's been a long time :3 a lot has gone on since my last post and I have a buttload of things to talk about. First though, I'd like to say that I have been meaning to blog for the past couple of weeks. Sadly, though, my notebook had been taken away from me. My mother randomly gave it back last night though, so, I guess I'll catch up while I have the chance! I don't know how long this will last. You never really realize how much you'll miss something until it's gone - like this blog!

 Okie dokie so, like I said, LOTS to catch up on. I'll start with the first thing I began to do. I recently completely driver's ed. WOOP! Now what? I wait ten months to take my permit test. If I tried to get my permit now I'd have to pay 200-and-something dollars to go to a driving test. Screw dat. Hard to believe I only have 10 months until I'm 17 and a half, huh? Yeah, it's crazy...
 Onto the next thing! I joined my friends' Glee Club a couple weeks ago and I'm really excited because I've never taken part in any extra club or anything like this. I'm kinda sad though.... I'm a pretty good singer when I practice at home but I get so nervous at practice that I shake and sweat and... Yeah. I hope I can do this. Our first plan is to go caroling at christmas tree lane. We're learning "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" for our first song... I honestly hate this song simply because I don't know what notes to hit at some parts, but now that I have my computer back I'm sure I can practice with youtube videos :>
 Lastly.... I FOUND MY MIC BIATCH!!!! I haven't tested it out with this computer yet, but I'm glad that I at least found it. I've been looking for it for like, forever :D wish me luck in that the quality is good, so I can finally upload some vocal covers for the tube of yous!~

So yeah that's it doods :3

Currently downloading WolfQuest

Listening to Miku-tan's english version of Panda Hero (also learning)

Excited for: A new boyfriend, adulthood, winter break, a job

9/9/12 - SO MUCH

 Wow! Hi, it's been a while, hasn't it? School has kept me really busy and there were times when I probably should have posted but didn't. Anyways I've missed a lot and have a lot to write about but most of it will be skipped because I have some exciting things to say.
 First of all, over the summer I was invited by People to People's Student Ambassador program to go to Italy, Sicily, and Greece. Normally I'd just shrug something like this off and say I could never do it, but going on this trip would really set the tone for the rest of my journey on becoming an interpreter. I've also heard that some schools give out serious scholarships to kids who take part in these People to People trips. It would help me so much and the list of benefits for going on this trip goes on and on. I've heard it can be really difficult to complete all the steps before you go on the trip but I'm willing to try harder than I ever have before on anything to make this trip. It could be the springboard for my career in interpreting and I'm NOT going to let it slip out of my hands.
 On a different note I've been writing a book lately, and it's turning out great but I seem to be stuck in chapter 3. Can't seem to make that writing magic happen the way I usually do. I'm sure I'm just having a small case of writers block and I'll be good as new as soon as this meeting is out of the way, I've been really worried about it lately.

8/4/12 - Junior Year!!!

Start of my junior year is coming up soon... I'm not sure if I should be excited, but I am happy I will no longer be stuck in this house... I want to start a horror club ): should I do that? I think I'll put a poll on facebook...
 I got my ID and my schedule for school yesterday. I stood in line for an HOUR to get my photo taken for my ID. It was hot and boring. But I'm okay with how my picture turned out for once. Which makes me feel good. I think I'm finally figuring out how to smile for pictures so that it won't turn out all creepy looking ^-^
 They messed up on my schedule >:l they gave me Spanish II twice. I don't even like that it's on their once (I gotta take it though) so I have to go through fixing that when I get back into school. Grand. I'm thinking maybe I have it twice because I'm an aid for Perkins (the Spanish teacher), but you have to sign up for it and get approved by the teacher. HOWEVER. I'm not sure if teachers are allowed to just sign up students for an aid position. I was nice enough to Perkins to think that he might have done it. I'm not okay with it though. AT ALL. If he did, I'm going to have to have a serious talk with him >:l but with the kind of person he is, I don't think he would sign a student up for something like that without talking to them first. We'll just have to see how it turns out.


 My boyfriend and I have broken up. I'm not gonna go on some sort of sob story here, but I will fill you in. His mother split us up. She's never liked me in the first place, but I can't believe she would do that. I've been with him for a year and tried to be the best girlfriend he's ever had :S In all honesty, I'm not too bothered by it. He still talks to me like I'm still his girlfriend occasionally, which really does comfort me, but he shouldn't be doing that... It'll just fuel that connection that we had. We've broken up so many times that it doesn't really hurt anymore unless I think about it a lot. But maybe this break is good? Who knows.


 Oh. My. Gosh O_O I JUST got a letter in the mail inviting me to take part in an international exchange program! This is such a huge opportunity for me! I want to be an interpreter! This is HUGE for me! HUGE! AAAAAGH! I need to read further into this! More info later! Bye!!!

29/?/12 - Gettin' Stuff DONE

Forget what month it is...

I'll figure it out later

Well hi ^-^ it's been forever, hasn't it? I might seem unusually unstable right now because Pencil just crashed on me (I'll explain in a minute). So I've been doing a lot of crafty stuff lately. Got a sewing machine from my neighbor (THANK YOU!), a shitload of material, and the animation program Pencil. Yup, after searching the web for a few months looking for a free animation program similar to Flash, I found Pencil.
 I really do like Pencil, and not just because it's free. It's really easy to work with after you read the unbelievably short user manual. I only got it a couple of days ago, but as soon as I started the download I started making a story board. Because what do good animators do? They make a story board! My "beginner" story board is really simple. It's just my BattleAxePirate character (that I FINALLY designed) sewing a dress and dancing to PONPONPON by SeeU o.o It's actually a lot easier than you would think. Though I'm dreading the dance sequence. SO. MUCH. FRAMES. But yeah, it'll be fun. I can't wait to finalize the project and upload it to Youtube. I think my account will finally have a purpose now so long as the file process works on my computer. Yeah. The way you save the files in Pencil is really tricky, and I may have to do some reading up on file types to find a way to make it work, but I'll find a way. I swear it.
 But yeah, I'm ticked. Got about 25 frames into my animation and Pencil CRASHED. 25 FRAMES! And like... 3 story board panels, THREE! But at least it only crashed on the opening sequence instead of half way through... I swear from now on I'm saving after I finish a panel from the story board *fuming*
 On another note I can learn how to sew stuffs now. I got a sewing machine for FREE from my neighbor (yay, free shit), it works AWESOME. Now I just have to find something simple to sew. I'm thinking arm warmers. Flarey ones. With ribbon. LOTS OF RIBBON.
 So mmhmm. That's about it. Looking forward to school. Not looking forward to losing sleep. Might start a couple Youtube series later on down the road with Pencil. If you'll excuse me I'm going to take a shower, relax, and start on my animation... AGAIN. Later~

5/7/12 - Accessory Crafts!

Hei everyone~ It sure has been a while, hasn't it? Summer is slow... But I'm finding ways to speed it up~

 A little while ago (I'm writing this at like, 3 in the morning) my mom came in and told me to get off the computer. So I did. But instead of going to bed I stayed up another two hours constructing a little accessory craft XP Sorry Mama. I've never actually done this before so I'm really excited to see how it turns out. I got my old music stave cloth, a paper bag, my scissors, a pencil, some white dry-clear wet glue, and my mini sewing kit (out of it I only actually used my measuring tape and safety pins).

 I measured my wrist with the tape, marked a corner of the paper bag with the right measurements, cut out a corner of the bag, and ran it through my fingers to soften it up. Then I measured the cloth so that it would wrap around the strip of paper bag almost perfectly. I cut out the material I needed, set the strip of paper bag in the middle, put a thin line of glue down one side of the material, spread it out with my pinky finger (so that there were no hard bumps when it all dried), and folded it over onto the strip of paper bag. Then I did the same thing with the other side of cloth, just using less glue because some of the glue from the first use kind of soaked through the cloth Xl After that I carefully folded the second half of cloth over onto the first and pressed on it gently. Then I turned it over to make sure the stave design on the outward facing side of the bracelet was straight, and fixed the slight wave in the pattern.

 I wrapped the strip around a candle I had sitting on my desk, and pressed small but heavy items on three sides; the left side, the right side, and the area where the two end sides of the strip meet. This way, the strip will dry stiffly into a bracelet shape, instead of straight, if I were to just lay it down flat and put something on top of it. Doing that might make it hard to bend into the circular shape I want when it is finished drying.

 Later in the morning when I get up I'm going to put the final (and my most favorite) touch on this craft; silver safety pins to hold the strip ends together. This will give it a nice goth look, as well as serve as a nice decorative accent (the same way a charm would). I'll be sure to put up pictures!~

6/22/12

I think summers' got me in a depression. I have nothing to do. Which is usually why I fill it with projects. But my projects have all fallen through the cracks and I don't know what to do... At least... I didn't.
 Lately I've been thinking that I want to learn web designing. So I decided to start with the basics. HTML. I'm currently learning online here. I'm shocked that I could find a place that would teach me online for free. I'm really proud of myself. So far I've gotten into the Attributes chapter on the site. I'm taking notes in an actual notebook and using their page generator as practice. I'm really excited about this. I also remembered just last night that before school ended last year I signed up for a computer class that would teach me things like HTML. It makes me excited to think that I'll already know how to use it before the class. Well, at least that chapter will be a breeze~
 Aside from HTML I really want to learn .exe and a few others. I don't know what .exe or XML is used for, but the more crap I can shove in my brain the smarter I'll feel :3 besides, who doesn't feel cool when someone asks you how to make a web page and you know the answer, at the moment that still isn't something everyone knows! (I'm sure in a few years everyone will know how to make a web page) I'm doing this in hopes that I might be able to make my own site some day. Nothing interactive, because those take a lot of computer power to run (though I would love to build a site someday in which people can make accounts/avatars/etc. but I don't know the beginning of how to do that yet). But just having my own web page for videos, my drawings, and a blog would be nice. Who knows, maybe someday I'll graduate from blogspot.com to my own website! But that's just dreaming big. For now, I'm happy to be on the learning path to something as great as web pages, I already have a far better understanding than I did going into this, and it blows my mind to think just how much computer power the world is using these days!
 Well that's all for now really. I hope anyone reading this has a fantastic day and remembers to stay optimistic even in the darkest of times! Bye~

6/13/12 - Look At It!

So, not much at all really happened today. But I finally got myself out to do something I've wanted to do for the longest time. I love taking pictures of flowers, and it really is surprising to see just how many different beautiful flowers there are in my neighborhood when you stop and take a close look. I'll stop talking and put up the pictures now. Heh...

 This is a tree stump, pretty cool, right?

 I don't know what these are called, but I was raised calling them apple flowers

 Tree stump! I wonder how old this tree was? :3 

 Pretty baby blue flowers

Okay I cheated, these flowers are hanging in a pot outside my house

Well, that's it! I hope anyone who found this blog enjoyed these pictures. Feel free to download them as you please. Bye!~

6/10/11 - Boobies!!!

Well, today was pretty fun for the most part. I got up in the morning to go with my boyfriend, his baby brother, and his mother for the day. I have to say things got interesting right away. I was sitting in the car next to my boyfriend's baby brother who was being a complete wild child the whole time. He took off his shoes and socks and threw them around the car. One sock even managed to fly over his mother's head in the driver seat and land on the dash. At one point, he pointed at my breasts (damn near poked one) and yelled "Boobies!" really loud. He would stop for a few minutes, kick the back of the driver's seat, scream like a mad person, and then poke at my breasts and yell "boobies!" some more.
 Then we stopped for lunch at a place called Fuddruckers or something like that. I'd never been there before and I didn't order anything but it was a really neat looking place, and I'll admit (as much as I hate burgers) the food smelled great. We sat in a little corner booth that was themed for the Beatles band, and when his baby brother finally calmed down enough to go and eat with his mother, my boyfriend and I sat in the nicely decorated booth and he told me stories about the band's past (because my boyfriend LOVES the Beatles).
 I then went to the mall with my boyfriend and we had a really great time together just walking around, eating candy (form the Sweets Factory! I love that place!!!), and people watching. It's days like today when I can really spend time talking with my boyfriend that I remember why I love him so much. He's so down to earth and we really do connect on so many levels. I always feel safe and understood whenever I'm with him.

Now that I've been home for a while I have been thinking about what to do for my dad for father's day. Though I know I have no money to buy my dad something, I have a smudge of talent. And I am going to use it on him this year. I can't say a lot because even though my dad doesn't use the internet, more or less know I keep this blog, I still don't want to risk it. All I can say is that it involves motorcycles and tigers :D Haha. Have a nice day/night/whatever guys~

4/6/12

Haven't been doing much lately. Decided to rebuild my guild on Gaia. I had the worst night last night. I don't know why, but I kept waking up, like, every few hours just UNBELIEVABLY uncomfortable. It was hard for me to breathe, hard for me to get into a comfortable position, I don't know what was going on but EVERYTHING hurt. It wasn't like serious pain. It just ached.
 And then this morning I had the WORST dream I've had in a really long time. Apparently I was friends with this old guy that owned a restaurant. He was having an entertainment night and he wanted me to come dance. Well, in the dream, the sound booth played the wrong song at the last minute so I had to make up a dance on the spot. I WOKE UP this morning with stage fright. Ugh... Life sometimes...

1/6/12

I've actually had a lot to write about these past couple of days, but because I've been so busy I haven't been able to write about it!
 Well, I can't remember what I did two days ago that was so important (sad, right?) but I do remember that yesterday was THE BIGGEST pain in the butt of my life. My parents had me run around and pick up job applications and ask around for work and make a resume and stuff. Everything was all fine and good but most places want you to print up their application at home -.- yeah. We don't have a printer here at home and I sure as hell ain't going to the library like a poor person to print up job applications. Also, my mom had me write up a resume to drop off at the places that said they just wanted my resume. I was content with this... Until I realized that as a shy person I have almost no volunteer work or anything else to put on my resume for that matter. Which hurt me, and pissed me off. I had a really bad friggin day because of that. And even just writing about it now makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I think trying to get a job may actually be harder than the actual job itself -.- I'm not ready for this yet.
 On a different note, still wondering if I should focus on keyboard or dance this summer... Yup... And it's already June.... Fuuuuuuu-....

28/5/12 - Hey!... Help!!!

I don't know why I'm writing this so early in the morning, but I suppose there won't be much going on today anyways, unless I can see my boyfriend, in which case there still wouldn't be much to blog about (sorry, Sweetie). So I've got an itty-bitty bit of a dilemma on my hands... A couple of months before school ended I decided I would go back to practicing keyboard this summer, so I could search for a new symphonic metal band to join in my junior year. But a little bit later on I decided to come out of the closet with my dream of becoming an idol (if you don't know what that is click here), and thought that I should maybe start a dance group to work with this summer, since I'm trying (maybe to more results than usual) to lose weight this summer it would be helpful to be part of a dance group, while at the same time doing what I would love and being an idol (because while there would be no flashy lights or costumes, dancing in front of people for their entertainment in the closest thing I will get to being an idol at the moment). Then, early this summer I've found a program called Game Maker which has really managed to hold my interest. It's a game making program (duh) that I've somehow managed to figure out how to work. Being a lazy 16-year-old, I can only keep up with one of these ideas at a time. And I've learned that I'm far more productive when I pace myself and take on my own damn projects one at a time.
 NOW I'm not sure what I should do. The way I look at it it would be far more productive if I finished up learning keyboard this summer (because along with that talent there are so many benefits), while working on my Game Maker project during breaks and periods of player-block (it happens. Sometimes you just can't seem to get your brain and fingers working together), then, after I find and a band and everything is said and done, later on I'll establish a dance group. I mean, it would take up a serious amount of time and effort to head a dance group, look for people to join, hold auditions, meetings (deciding on routines, creating routines, deciding on costumes and if we want them, finding places to perform, etc...), so honestly I don't know if it would be a good idea to play for a band and dance in an idol group. Thinking long term, if I made it in my band ventures (which I'm honestly not stressing about, making it big in a band is REALLY difficult and I'm not about to set myself up for disappointment by hoping), I would have a lot of free time during breaks to work with an idol group, also, if I waited until then the group could get big considering I would already have band fame. I don't think people really understand how boring and slow band life really is. People think being in a band is all rushed, with a packed schedule, but really it isn't. You have tours (which most of the time is spent traveling), and during that time most song ideas for the next album are written. It's rushed when you have multiple performances in one country, in which that is when you're having to make the decision between eating breakfast and showering due to a tight schedule. But after tours, you go back home and finish up writing for the next album and start the recording process. This is how it usually works. Then, after that, you've got anywhere from 4-8 months give or take to do whatever the hell you want at home. For me, that time would be spent working with the idol group. Now, seeing as I don't plan on having a family when I'm older, this plan works out perfectly. If I wanted to become a mother (which I don't plan on doing), then this schedule would be a big fat NO because home time would be spent at HOME with the kiddies. Good thing I don't plan on having kids.
 So yes, thanks to anyone for reading my brain puke and any help, suggestions, input, etc. would be GREATLY appreciated. This is going on my facebook so I can get ideas from my loved ones, and quite possibly support, but anyone else is free to comment. Please feel free to stop reading here, the rest of this blog is rambling junk that's floating around in my head, but still pertains to the subject... So... Yeah, do whatever.
 Well, in case you can't yet tell, I've always wanted to work in the performing industry (not so much acting or singing, though.). It's not like I'm planning on anything, I expect to have to get a regular, old job like everyone else, but I'm trying my best to build up my talents so that I could have a chance. I, personally, for no professional training at all, think I've managed to build up a decent singing voice (back up vocals and stuff). In all honesty, I'm stupid. Well, I'm creative. I'm not good at math or all the techy stuff. So, I'm kind of hoping to make something of myself in the music industry. Because I really doubt that I'll be able to get a regular job with my lack of common sense. Plus, I really think I'm cut out for the metal music industry. I would never touch drugs. Ever. I've seen the negative effects of that crap and I'm not going there. I'm low drama. I can get up and go when I need to. I don't mind being rushed. I love long car trips (I've never been on a plane but I'm sure it's no big deal), and I don't bore easily on them. I'm really good at keeping myself entertained in that case. I love messing with people. And okay, sure, I get stage fright. But I've only every had to act in front of people in little instances. Like elementary school plays and stuff. If I was doing something I was confident in, with other people up there with me, I'm sure I'd be fine. So, I'm trying. While I don't like admitting it to people, I do hope on making it up there. At the same time, I don't mind being a garage band, and I understand being "discovered" or whatever takes some time, but I've done some hard core research on this stuff. I already have two record companies lined up in case I ever make a demo. Nuclear Blast Records (which would be harder since they are a very popular record company with lots of absolutely amazing groups, and it would take a lot of talent to beat the other demo-senders), Spinefarm Records (they're not as popular but they have signed with some cool bands. They are actually really hard to get a hold of and now that there site is down I wish I'd written down their demo send-in information when I viewed the page about a year ago), and as a back up label, I honestly really don't want a contract with these guys, but when you're trying to make it out there you'll take what you can get; Fueled By Ramen. For one thing, I don't think FBR takes metal, mostly because they're a mostly American label (ew). But hey, you take what you can get. Right?

27/5/12 - Been A While, Huh?

So yeah, I haven't really been posting. Simply because I haven't had much going on. The only good thing I didn't really blog about was getting the Sonata Arctica album Stones Grow Her Name, with my father. It was an amazing day, really. He bought me a shirt, which I really didn't want him to do, but I suppose if he wanted to he might as well... Almost lost my phone that day.

  The album is amazing. I'm listening to it right now. It consists of the songs Only The Broken Hearts, Shitload O' Money, Losing My Insanity, Somewhere Close To You, I Have A Right, Alone In Heaven, Cinderblox, The Day, Don't Be Mean, Wildfire II - One With The Mountain, and Wildfire III - Wildfire Town, Population 0. It is one of those albums much like the previous, Days of Grays, album in the fact that it grows on you as you listen to it. For fans of the "old" Sonata Arctica that might be hesitant to buy the new album: JUST DO IT. It's totally worth it. It still has that original Sonata feel. Don't judge the album by the previous, it has more of an original Sonata feel than the last. Again, for those original Sonata fans, the best song on the album for me to suggest to you would be Losing My Insanity. Though I do believe this is the "cover" song of the album, it was originally written by Tony for another artists to sing.

 Moving on, today I am going out of town with my boyfriend~ This is what year-long relationships are supposed to be like. Getting along with their parents, going away with them, hanging out for ridiculously long periods of time, helping around the house. This is how it should be. And it makes me so happy : ) Well, I have to go get ready. I'll post when I get back! Love you ALL and have a fantastic day!!

17/5/12 - Greenbean Salad!

This. Is. Wonderful!!! I just made this recipe and it is really something amazing! The only thing I skipped out on was the garlic... But it was still really really great!

Aside from my adventure in the kitchen tonight, I had an absolutely amazing day in school. Very easy and very fun! I'll leave it at that for now! I'm in a great mood! G'night!~

15/5/12 - Ugh... What?

Uhm... Okay. So got my hair trimmed. Didn't get as much homework done as I would have liked. But that's okay because tomorrows' a minimum day and I can get it all done tomorrow after school. Really happy for quite some time, even though the day started off REALLY bad. My shoulder where I'm sunburned started peeling, and like a doofus I peeled it all off. But now it itches and hurts worse than it did with the dead skin ON!
 Alright... Now... I don't know. My boyfriend and I (of a little over one year now) have been kinda dreaming, a little jokingly, about us moving in together out of high school We both know it's childish and stupid to make these sorts of plans when we're only teenagers, so we don't get all into it. We just sort of, dream. Ya know? Well, he just told me that instead he wants to move to Valencia with his friend as soon as he gets out of high school ): I understand that he will have to do what is best for his future and what will benefit him most, so I don't know why I feel like crying now, but I do... I don't want to feel this way. I want him to do what is best for HIM! So... Why am I getting all shaky and heart-broken? It's not like our little daydreams where actual plans, and sure I was kinda really looking forward to bringing the dreams to life some day... But I understand that they were highly unlikely to come true, sooo... I don't know. I just don't know. I want to be happy for him, but for some reason I can't.
 We're having a party in my Geometry class tomorrow. All the food sounds really yummy. I'm bringing a bag of hot cheetos by request of about three other students in the class plus myself :3 I'm hoping it will be a lot of fun!

Koi~koi~koi!

14/5/12

SO overloaded with end-of-the-schoolyear homework. I have three reading assignments with assessment questions for English, a 46 point "practice" (If you ask me, I don't think we should be calling it a practice packet unless it's optional) packet in Spanish, a project in World History in which I have to define about 50 or so (probably more) history terms, THEN make a timeline for more specific terms, then I have to get my community service all completed and signed by my "supervisor" (actually, I'm just getting my boyfriend to sign it), and just today I crossed making a practice test for English off my list. Ya know, as if studying for Finals wasn't enough. All this work is going to make me NOT want to study...
 Anyways, summer is only a few more days away, and with the release of a new Sonata Arctica album coming soon, I can't complain. I suppose I'll just have to grit my teeth and power through it, because my under-achieving ass isn't used to all this work!
 Ya know, I realize that having a Junior boyfriend, I often forget I'm only a Sophomore. That being said, I often stress far too much over my plans for once I get out of highschool. Go figure \._./ I should pay someone to slap me into reality occasionally.
Brohoof! XD

11/5/12

It's been a while... But I've needed to get myself in check. And now I'm doing a lot better. The end of the year is coming up and I PASSED MY CAHSEE!!! Even the math! Which I was sure I failed!

:D Aside from that I'm super excited that I'm going to get the new Sonata Arctica album the day it comes out at the mall with my father! I don't see him often so, I'm really excited. We have a lot in common for never seeing eachother!

Click for Henkka SEXYNESS!!!

3/5/12

Well, I'm doing a little better than I was yesterday, but I feel like someone replaced my heart with a bag of bricks. I feel heavy, and there's a pain in my chest coming from an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I don't know why I can't shake this. There's so much good coming. But... There's so much bad coming, too. And the bad can't be forgotten because it will forever effect my future and there is nothing I can do about it.
 Anyways, sorry to start off the new month with all this negativity. I'm trying to shake it. Nothing really interesting happened today. It was a minimum day in school, and I didn't do all that I wanted to do with my free time. But I felt like I needed to post something showing that I'm doing a little bit better than I was yesterday. So here ya go (whoever "you" is).

Nightcore - Anima Libera

2/5/12 - X

*sigh* life is too much sometimes, really. But not so much in a sense that I want to end it. Just in the sense that it is brutal and cruel. People say that God wouldn't put you through what you couldn't handle. Well, if God exists then, maybe does he put sinners through a little more than what is healthy as punishment? Or as his sick way of  "opening people's eyes" to faith in him? I can understand that much... And it makes so much sense.
 If there really is a god, because my faith does waver, then why? Why does he put us through all these terrible things that we can't handle? I know no one reading this blog can possibly answer these questions, but what else is there to do but ask?
 I feel tormented. I feel like a toy. I feel laughed at. And not by human people. I feel like God's thing. I feel like my future, my feelings, they're all controlled by a dominant out-of-world entity. I am this entity's play thing. It alters my future like a game and watches me suffer for it's own entertainment. I cannot control the most precious of relationships, I have no say. My life is the complex console game that this thing never tieres of playing. Entertained and satisfied by my complexity and drama.
 I don't know what to do anymore. Everythings' slowly spinning out of control, like a slow motion car crash in a really bad movie. I would list all my problems here, but I fear these things are far too personal.
 No one can help. No one can do anything. My family is falling apart for the stupidest reasons. I have no friends. No life outside of cyberspace. I am the most willing shoulder for your tears but I lack the advice to make anything easier on you. I have no talent. I'm not smart. Everything piles up and now I feel like a waste of resources. I don't deserve the air I breathe, the food I eat, the space I live in, the materials for my education, the time of the many doctors and dentists I've visited, the taxes spent on my education are a waste of this country's money. But I can't do anything about it. Life is too glorious to end it. Even to the lowest thing on the face of Earth. Life is too glorious, because what is after life? Nothing. Darkness. You can lie to yourself with religion all you want, but if you put aside your silly little imagination for a minute you'll soon realize that you are being stupid. There cannot be anything after death. There is nothing magical, there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING after life. Your heart gives out, your electrical current stops, your organs shut down. You are dead. There is nothing else inside. And nothing leaves.

Dance 'N Stuff

Just a quick update, I know I've already posted tonight, but I just wanted to say; the dance for Leave in The Summer, Yet You're Still In My Fluffoughts is going GREAT. Made some serious progress on the moves tonight. So far the dance is looking awesome. The moves are kind of fast, but the speed of the moves keeps up with the speed of the lyrics. Also, I'm the kind of person that matches the steps in the song to not only the beat, but also the syllables in the words. I personally think that it makes a dance more interesting to have moves that match the syllables as well as the beat.
 And yes, in case you haven't guess by my excitement yet, this is the first dance I've ever attempted to put together myself. :3
 So I would like a little support once I decide to put the dance up on the internet~ (I don't know who I'm talking to, no one is ever going to see this blog) 

30/4/12 - Woo, ACTING!~

Just got back from two plays put on by the drama dept. at my school. I always love going to the plays. They're always so entertaining~
 Anyways, the two plays where amazing, a few mishaps (I doubt I'm using that in the right sentence), but all in all it was a great night.
 Also had to "spring clean" my room today. I got so overwhelmed by the amount of crap I had to clean that I got dizzy and almost passed out. Now, what does that tell you about my room?  Anyways, my family is doing this whole spring cleaning thing for like, the rest of the week. Greaaaat. Though, I will admit, I do love my room when it is clean!~


Well, that's it for tonight. Also want to post this here; Discord - Eurobeat Brony (it's not what you think)

NOTE TO FUTURE SELF:
Ellie, no matter how much you want to, remember to NEVER join drama. You can't act, and you become a nervous wreck in front of just about EVERYONE. So please, I'm saying this for your own good (my own good?) Just don't do it.

 Today was a fairly good day. Woke up to a few sweet texts from my lovely boyfriend <3 he is so affectionate for a guy, it's scary sometimes. Later, he came by my house to get me so we could hang out at his place. Knowing I love flowers so much, he brought me some of the prettiest I've seen yet.  They're sitting in a vase in my livingroom now <3 Maybe if I can get my camera working later I'll post a picture of them.
 Just got back to my place. And let me use this space to gush over my boyfriend. We've been together for a little over a year now, and while things were really rocky at first, we've settled into a position in which we both know that yes, we do in fact love each other. Also, we're best friends, we trust each other completely. You couldn't find a couple that was more open to hearing what each other had to say, and I love that I can have that kind of relationship with him. We have our differences just like anyone else, but we look past them and see each other for who we really are. He's sweet, affectionate, understanding, and of course, he wants to be a comedian so he's quite funny. We have the same sense of humor, and for the most part we can understand each other's complex sort of sarcasm. He's my Superman, and I always feel comfortable with him :)

27/4/12 - And SONATA!~

It was a good friday :3

 Okay, so today was pretty much normal. So, I'm just going to skip to the main event; 3rd Period. Mr. Wood was at school today. So I did present my Legends project. I did good, my voice got a little bit shaky at one point in the beginning and near the middle I got so nervous that the room started spinning but I was able to keep myself from acting in a way that let everyone know of this. In the end, I got 272 points out of 300. That's about a 90%. Woo.

 Moving forward and I JUST FOUND SOMETHING THAT HAS MADE MY NIGHT. My favorite band (Sonata Arctica) has just released a behind the scenes/making of video for their new album coming out next month. I love these guys they're hilarious and sexy! :D But all fangirl-ness aside, they are an awesome band with an ever changing style of music. They are a great band that cannot be pinned down by one genre and they strive for what they want. All I have to say at this point is KEEP ROCKING TONY.

 Alright, well that's about all I have to say for today. Still working on my dance for LTSYYSMF.

See the Sonata Arctica AWESOMENESS here -> Click for pure love :D

26/4/12

I'm just sitting here with my glass of apple juice :3 Listening to Leave in The Summer, Yet You're Still in My Fluffoughts. It's 10:58 at night.
i
 Okay, so today was interesting. Light rain, but not as bad as yesterday. A lot of wind though. I hate wind -.-' Anyways. Played flag football in first period, got our asses ripped off, chewed up, spit out, and trampled on. Then in second we watched the Spanish version of the movie Independence Day. And, well, I screamed like a little girl when the alien started to attack in the lab. Why? Because aliens, real or not, are my biggest fear. I probably looked ridiculous to everyone in the class because not only was I the only one who made any kind of sound indicating fear, I'm fairly manly for a girl, and, of all things, my boyfriend sitting diagonal behind me, leaned over and whispered rather loudly if I was okay -.- Really Ethan? I mean, I love you. But really?
 Then in third period, the period I was supposed to be presenting my Legend project in, Mr. Wood wasn't even there! He was sick and we had a sub. So then I was really mad because now I have to put off my presentation ANOTHER day. *sigh* I feel like I'm never going to get this done.
 And then in all the other classes we did nothing of interest. So I won't bother talking about all those. But I can say I had an eventful morning (by my standards, anyway).

 So today I also decided that I'm going to come up with a dance for the song mentioned earlier. I started working on it, and I think I might actually be able to do this. It's only the first night and I already have the moves for the first verse created and memorized.

 Well that's it for now. I'll post tomorrow if anything interesting happens~ WHOO FRIDAY!!!

25/4/12 - Rain 'N Stuff

So it's been a while since I've posted. Nothing really interesting has happened lately. Yesterday I made dinner for my family for the first time and I didn't burn it :D which for me is a HUGE accomplishment. I made one of my favorites that my mother makes, meatloaf. Some people say it's too simple, some people say it's boring. Whatever. I like the taste. So I figured out how to make it. Okay?

 Well, today was a big huge "what the hell?". First. It's been raining on and off all day, when for the past two days it's been ridiculously hot for spring. And then, after it stopped raining in the morning, it was HOT AS HELL at around 11. Then it started raining again right after school. What?
 Then I got home, finished all my work, and at about five my boyfriend dropped by and we went to Burger King to chill out for about half an hour. Then we walked over to his house (started raining AGAIN) and hung out.
 Just got home and decided to blog about the past two days before I forgot to. Now I have to make my bed.

Oh yeah, and tomorrow should be entertaining. I'm presenting my legend presentation for my English class. Doing Dracula. WISH ME LUCK AND STUFF HRRRNG!

Well, This Is A Pleasant Surprise

I just got a call from a cousin on my father's side. She wants to make plans with me for next weekend! I really hope we get along... We added each other on facebook and she looks really sweet. I'll probably make a special entry for that day~

 This is really big for me because I don't really know my fathers' side. I just barely met my father, his brother, and a male cousin of mine which was really cool because they were all like me! I never felt more in-place in my life before. And now a cousin on that side wants to know me... I'm excited to meet her but I am just a little worried. It takes a very specific kind of personality to get along with me... Well, let's just hope all goes well! I'll keep you (whoever "you" are) posted!

20/4/12 - Brainstorm For Story?

Friday, woo! o3o

 Today was a pretty good day. Fell asleep with my eyes open twice during the English SAT. Heehee. The day went by pretty normal. Later in the day I got some serious PMS (mood swings suck). But then my boyfriend and I walked to Burger King and hung out for a bit. It put me in a much better mood, THANK YOU SUPERMAN.

 Right now I'm making a new Writerscafe account because it's been forever since I've been on and I can't remember the two old accounts I had or their e-mails. Check me out if you like. Same username. B.A.P like always~

 So anyways, exhausted but I'm trying to think of something to write for this new account before I go to sleep. Based a story idea off of the idea of the words "fluffink" and "fluffought" (think & thought) from this awesome song I've been listening to called Leave In The Summer, Yet You're Still In My Fluffoughts. You can listen to it here. If you love adorable rhythmic alpacas dancing to swing-like music you may also want to click it :3

 The story, I'm thinking, will be about some kids, some connected some not, gaining powers based on their astrological zodiac. Don't know what they'll do with these powers. Maybe that'll be the plot? I don't know. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear about them (if anyone even sees this).

19/4/12

Right now, I think I'm just trying to stall and put off doing my Spanish I homework but oh well (No wonder I have an F in that class!)

 Anyways, today was pretty normal. Woke up, went to school, got my friend Chris (Asian boys rule!) to get my flashdrive working for a project I needed to change up a bit for PreAP English. I'm actually kind of mad, my flashdrive won't work for me but it worked almost instantly for Chris ):< then he backed my project up on his flashdrive, which made me really happy. He was unusually cool with it. I noticed he's been a lot nicer to me lately than he has been over the past few years. Wonder what changed? Then later I finished the math portion of my SAT test. (Tomorrow is English. Let's do this!) After the break I went to all my regular classes. English was awesome! Everyone that presented their projects today did great! Now that my project is all fixed up, I hope to go up and present my project tomorrow.
 Once we got around to lunch I went to my Geometry class to pick up some extra credit. Grades go out tomorrow and I thought I was in some serious need of extra credit. I drew the Loch Ness monster on his whiteboard and went on with my boyfriend.
 After lunch I went to my World History class and took lecture notes. I complained a bit about the map we had to copy into our notebooks and after the lecture, Mr. Jennings let us put it off to tomorrow claiming that it was for me because I hated them so much, but really it was just because we only had like, five minutes of class left after the lecture :P
 Then, my last period of the day was Geometry with Harker. He gave us a free day and I played hang-man with a few other girls in my class. Near the end of the period I checked my grade, and instead of the F I was sure I had, to my surprise I had a D! Okay, so, yeah. Most people wouldn't be too happy with that, but that's good for me. And it means I won't get grounded. So yeah, that just about made my day~

 Alright, so now I'm just kinda sitting on my couch with my Spanish I homework half done, so I should probably finish that and get on my chores.

 I'll be honest, I thought I'd hate it but I'm actually enjoying this blog thing so far... Sure, it's not interesting and no one else will read it but oh well. This is more for me to look back on later in life, anyways.

Dear Future Me:
You learned a life lesson today; have more faith in yourself and you'll be surprised! ;D

Let's Get Crackin'

Alrighty, never actually done this before, so here goes. I guess I'll just start from the beginning. I'm you're not-so-average average teenager. Just like every other person in freaking California I wanna be in the performing industry. I can do a lot of things, play a keyboard, dance, hell if you trained me a little bit I'd probably be one hell of a singer. But I personally feel like wanting a life of performing makes you self centered, so I don't let anyone know that. So my other interest is to become an interpreter. I've studied Japanese on and off since I was twelve (I'm currently 16). I hope to learn as many European languages as I can before I die. But all in all, I'd love to work in the music industry, rather I'm designing cover art for albums, managing a band, setting up appointments and running errands in the record company's HQ, or even just sifting through demos I'd love to be involved in some way.

 I struggle in school and some would venture to say that I am lazy, which, I won't lie I am a little lazy. But hey, that's just what teenagers do; be lazy. I'm stressing over a job, a car, and a college education far more than any sophomore should. I do enjoy school so long as I understand what I'm doing in my classes. Geometry, at the moment, is a real weak point for me. I wish I could like, pay to skip it or something \._./ I totally would.

 I play video games of all sorts. I'm a total computer geek (but not the kind you call up to fix your computer). For the most part I try to be really nice, but if you do something that I find morally wrong (you'll probably hear more about this in later blog posts) then I will probably hate you right off the bat. I have recently found that I have views that resemble the Romantic period greatly. It's almost creepy.

 Well, that's all from me for now. I guess if you want to know more about me you'll just have to keep an eye on my blogs. (Though I don't know what creeper would want to know more about me) The screen name BattleAxePirate has been my thing for about two years now, yes I do love pirates, and battle axes are my favorite weapons, so, there ya go! Anyways~ it's really late, I have school tomorrow, and I'm gonna start rambling on and on if I don't stop typing now, so goodnight everyone.